Welcome to the frontlines of customer service, where the only thing standing between you and a total breakdown is a well-stocked desk. Every call center agent knows that the right tools can make or break your day – and no, I’m not talking about a functioning computer system (though that would be nice too). Here’s a light-hearted list of must-haves for surviving long hours, angry callers, and the soul-crushing repetition of “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
The All-Important “Do Not Disturb” Sign
Hang it proudly during peak hours (or when you’ve mentally checked out but haven’t quite left your desk). It’s the universal signal for “I need a minute,” though we all know someone will inevitably ignore it, and you’ll have to passive-aggressively tap it with the long well-done nails you did over the weekend while maintaining eye contact. What’s even better? The supervisor will think you’re busy, so won’t bother or monitor you. Now you can waste time in peace. Talk of two birds while you’re holding a sling.
Emergency Snack Stash
A hungry man is an angry man. A well-fed agent is a less grumpy agent. Whether you’re into chips, cookies, mints, tropical sweets, candies, or chocolate bars (If your salary falls in this tax bracket), keeping an emergency stash of snacks within arm’s reach is crucial.
Saving for a rainy day – we all know clouds will be forming by 11 AM. Bonus points if it’s something that can be consumed silently because there’s nothing worse than trying to sound professional or empathetic with a mouth full of crisps.
Motivational Desk Sign
Something along the lines of “This Too Shall Pass” or “At Least You’re Not the Customer” can work wonders for your mental health. Glance at it during your darkest moments: Is the customer not buying your bs? Glance at the sign. Customer’s issue not resolved in week 3? Oh no, well… At least you’re not the customer. Salary delayed amidst the end-of-month call peak? Knee-deep handling the tenth irate call before lunch? Remember: this, too, shall pass (eventually).
ABC Phonetics Chart
You have corrupt-minded friends and colleagues (or you are one). They will hear you spell the email the customer should write a complaint to, and will proudly participate: H for Hitler, B for Beyoncé or K for kidnapper. What? You absolutely cannot rely on your deskmate for phonetics. Hang the phonetics chart behind the laptop to seem more professional than you are.
Stress Ball.
When words like “I want to speak to your supervisor/manager” are thrown at you like daggers, grab your trusty stress ball. “Can you put me through to someone more competent to assist me?” Bi… (Mmmhh… hold it) We know you can’t scream profanity in the office. At least not out loud. What do you do? Squeeze it, toss it, or pretend it’s the customer’s face—whatever keeps you from launching into a profanity-laced tirade. A handgrip strengthener for the win.
You have no idea just how much a negative emotion can fuel the workout. Double grip every unbelievable response from the customer. This way, you not only have a cheaper-than-therapy option (since your boss won’t approve counseling-session leave anyway), but you also build strength to punch the next foolish customer that will cross your patience. Oh, that unlucky soul. “You guys are pathetic; I can’t believe how bad this service is! I had better experience with (competitor’s name)” Okay first of all, then why are you here? You can always go back there you know – Is something you never say loud.
A beverage Mug
An apple a day keeps the doctor away; a coffee a day keeps the psycho not awake. Little coffee jumpstarts your day. Too much coffee drowns your anger – and gives you numerous washroom breaks. Win-win. Coffee is the fuel, and your mug is your best friend.
The hotter the coffee, the more it warms your cold-hearted response. For this reason, keep a backup mug (or several) on hand because nothing—*nothing* – should come between you and your caffeine.
Mini Fan
Calm down, calm down… Hey, hey, hey… Relax! They’re angry at the company, not you as a person. They don’t know you, I promise. (Unless it is an inter-departmental call, then they absolutely know you.) When the air conditioning in your office is about as reliable as the Wi-Fi service you’re troubleshooting, a mini fan can be a lifesaver. It doubles as a useful distraction when you’re stuck on an irate customer, or need to let the cool breeze soothe your boiling rage.
Sticky Notes—The Real MVP these ones.
Sure, digital tools exist, but there’s something about scribbling passive-aggressive notes like “DO NOT TOUCH MY CHARGER” on a neon sticky that just feels right. Satisfying. Plus, they’re perfect for jotting down cryptic reminders like “Customer complaint: something about frogs?” which you’ll completely forget the context for later. “Angry John callback 2PM” so you know when to schedule washroom break.
So basically, as you might learned from life, we don’t always get what we want – but we can get what we need. The call center desk – also known as the professional jungle – needs every agent to be properly armed with a survival kit to make it through the day. Whether it’s a sugar fix or stress relief, having these essentials at your desk can mean the difference between surviving the shift—or not.
By John Peter
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