Dear Customer Care…

Having been a customer for a long time now, I wish that you guys knew (read considered) the following things before giving me any response.

1. When I say that I need something from you urgently, it really is urgent. Yes, that’s right. When I tell you that I need my bank statement or whatever, very fast, (normally we say it’s a matter of life and death) please stop saying that you are sorry and many other reasons. I just need to know if I will get my statement and if my pending transaction will be completed. Find a way to do it and fast!
2. I never lie. Okay…I just lied. I meant that I don’t lie, especially not to you- I just need my issue resolved fast. If I tell you that I have been waiting for my delivery for 72 hours since it was dispatched from your store yesterday, please believe me. I have been waiting for that long…and I am very disappointed.
3. STOP playing us music whenever we call you. Please stop, and if you really have to, do it for a minute and no more. I know you need to promote your products but honestly, your songs can be annoying. Irritating. Look for other songs or not play that music at all
4. I wish that was a way you could renew my subscriptions( esp. data bundles) using the company money; I mean I have been a loyal customer for so long, I have spent so much on you. Appreciate me, give me bundles, or at least add me to the list of persons benefiting from your bonuses…you are the ones who do that right?

Look, customer care guy, I know that we have clashed many times before: on calls, emails, and Twitter, and I am sorry. It is never personal. We know that at times, there’s not much you can do to resolve our issues other than tell us that you are working on them, but all the same, I need someone I can rant to. It is my love language to you, so please forgive us. You are the best and we can’t do without you.

Ps: Please have more brown ladies answering our calls; we understand them better.

Ciao!